There are many traps people can land in when they're "in love." We talk freely and openly about women falling for the wrong guy as if this were the normal way of things. But we're not so comfortable talking about men who fall for the wrong woman, even though it happens all the time.
There's a specific relationship dynamic in which many men today find themselves. They meet a woman who's smart, opinionated, and knows her own mind. Perhaps she's elusive yet intriguing, or maybe she's gregarious and unrestrained. Either way, he's infatuated.
All too often, beneath the exterior of this seemingly confident woman, lies fear and mistrust that translates to a need for control. It isn't always obvious at first, at least not to him. But ever so slowly, over time, his needs get tabled. Eventually, he loses his way. He forgets who he is. She's fully in charge.
That's what’s happening to Prince Harry right now.
Meghan Markle isn't the first woman to lead her man in the direction she wants him to go, and she won't be the last. But at the moment she's the most high-profile. In response to Harry and Meghan's split from the royal family and subsequent rebuke of Queen Elizabeth II, Piers Morgan tweeted, "The staggering disrespect these two keep showing to the Queen is outrageous. Who do they think they are?"
But there is no "they," really. While Harry claims he's as woke as his wife and thus wants what she wants, the break with his family would not have happened, was it not for Meghan. Harry would not walk away from his family and his life on his own volition, nor would he show his family such disrespect. That's all Meghan.
Which is not to let Harry off the hook. It is only to say that a nice guy can lose his way in the arms of the wrong woman.
That said, this isn't specifically about Harry and Meghan. It's about women who take control of everything and everyone, and the men who let them. We tend to seek in love whatever it is we feel we're missing in ourselves. Men who are shy or who are lost or who feel second in command will glom on to a woman who's stronger and more convicted than they are. It gives them the power they lack.
While feminism isn't specifically to blame for this modern relationship dynamic — any woman who's been hurt in the past can become controlling in an attempt to avoid getting hurt again — it's certainly a factor. Feminism is grounded in the belief that men owe women, which will ultimately translate to the woman expecting her man to curtail or suppress his wants and needs on her behalf. This is how many millennial relationships operate today, and it will not end well.
As a man, how can you avoid this fate?
Begin by taking a good, hard look at yourself. Are you a people pleaser? A yes-man? Do you hate to rock the boat but happily hide behind those who do? Do you believe Western women are oppressed and that it's your job to take a step back?
These are the traits that will attract a woman who ultimately seeks control. It's not something she purposefully or even knowingly does; it's the polarity she seeks in order to retain control. She doesn't want to be with someone like herself because then she won't get what she wants; she'll have to compromise. For this kind of woman (or person — men can be controlling, too), the world revolves around her needs. To get them met, she needs a man who'll give in.
Don't be that man. If you do, you'll become resentful and self-hating. You'll be passive-aggressive in order to get your needs met, and that never works.
Instead, work on becoming the strong, healthy man you were meant to be: one who isn't afraid to own his masculine identity and who doesn't allow other people to dictate his actions. If you do that, you'll attract a different kind of woman: one who can't control you and who wouldn't even try.
Suzanne Venker (@SuzanneVenker) is a contributor to the Washington Examiner's Beltway Confidential blog. She's the author of five books and a relationship coach, as well as host of The Suzanne Venker Show. Her website is www.suzannevenker.com.
"love" - Google News
February 27, 2020 at 04:15AM
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Prince Harry fell in love with the wrong woman - Washington Examiner
"love" - Google News
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