As I sit down to collect my thoughts, reflections, and recommendations about a recent five-day romance-themed luxury cruise from L.A. to Cabo San Lucas, I’m finding it damn near impossible tough to ignore the recent tragedy that has troubled the cruise industry.
“‘We’re in a Petri Dish’: How a Coronavirus Ravaged a Cruise Ship,” read the headline of a New York Times story. It detailed the harrowing experiences of some of the 2,666 passengers quarantined in their cabins for 10 days aboard the Diamond Princess cruise ship off the coast of Japan. The ship had the dubious distinction of becoming the site of the largest concentration of coronavirus outbreak outside of China.
Oh, did I mention my recent cruise was aboard a Princess ship?
And that we departed less than a week after the quarantine was imposed on the Diamond Princess?
To put it mildly, it was an unsettling backdrop to what was supposed to be a carefree and celebratory experience.
The purpose of the cruise was to promote Princess Cruises’ push to become, as one company rep put it, “the number one cruise line for celebrations.”
In this case, the celebration was love; or, more specifically, holy matrimony.
My trip aboard the Royal Princess was part of a coordinated effort across three different Princess cruise ships to set the Guinness World Record for the largest simultaneous multi-location wedding vow renewal.
Spoiler alert: We did it! My wife and I were one of the 1,433 couples across three ships to say “I still do!” It was a genuinely lovely experience – one that got me thinking about both romantic relationships and cruises.
Not only have I been married for almost 13 years, I am also a licensed psychotherapist who often helps people with relationship issues. And I am now also a veteran of two luxury cruise experiences. So I’d like to think I am (somewhat?) uniquely qualified to present you with the following three qualities to set you up for success in both relationships and on a cruise.
Let’s call them the secrets to getting in “ship shape”…
Spontaneity
Be in the moment … Go for it … Carpe diem… and all that good stuff. There can be such freedom and fun in spontaneity. This is certainly the case in longer term relationships, where the inevitable routines and busyness of life can choke out more freewheeling ways if we let them. As a chronic overthinker who can be – how shall I put this? – chronically allergic to “fun,” spontaneity often equates to practicing saying “yes” to my more spirited partner’s suggestions.
In the case of our cruise experience, it was bingo.Yes, bingo. Perhaps the least romantic activity on the whole ship. When my wife told me in no uncertain terms, “You are going to play bingo with me,” my thought stream went something like: Seriously? This is going to suck. It’s a waste of money. And when she told me we would be upgrading to the automated tablet-based version of the game (yep, you read that right, automated bingo), I was really out. But in the interest of spontaneity, I put all that aside. We played. On a tablet. I had fun. And we won… almost $700!
The gifts of spontaneity can be many.
Intentionality
On the heels of my pitch for spontaneity, let me now make the case for intentionality. Deliberate, planned, purposeful action. On a cosmic sort of level, intentionality is like our buffer against one of the immutable laws of the universe – entropy: the tendency of systems to gradually decline into disorder.
Relationships, if left unchecked, will do the same. So, classic relational intentionality moves like scheduled date nights and daily I-love-you’s and how-was-your-day check-ins can be the unsung heroes of romantic longevity. On our couples’ cruise, intentionality was essential for our two port days in Cabo San Lucas. On our first morning in Cabo we opted for a laissez-faire approach to strolling and exploring the harbor area. I don’t recommend this – unless you enjoy entrepreneurs following you and aggressively hawking everything from seedy boat tours to pictures with their lizards (true story) to cocaine (also true story).
Princess Cruises did an excellent job of vetting the many offerings to ensure quality, safety, and value of shore excursions. The more than 30 options on our cruise ranged from scenic sunset sailing and whale watching to snorkeling and scuba diving to dolphin petting and inland food tours. I highly recommend planning ahead and trusting the Princess-sanctioned shore experiences – unless overzealous lizard handlers dotting the harbor is more your thing.
Vulnerability
Perhaps you have heard a thing or two about vulnerability. It seems to be trending in the stream of our collective personal and relational self-growth zeigeist these days — and, frankly, for good reason. The courage to open up, expose your softer spots, and courageously move toward fears is the stuff of which deep interpersonal connections are made. I found it also makes for a great cruise experience. Think of it like the getting-out-of-one’s comfort zone of spontaneity — only further and deeper. For me, it started with fully participating in the vow renewal ceremony.
The part of me that just wanted to relax and lounge in obscurity on the ship bristled a bit at getting into a suit and standing on the top deck with hundreds of other couples in the afternoon sun for two hours waiting for this carefully contrived, three-ship shindig to go down.
But it was worth every second. Looking into the big beautiful eyes of my beloved and repeating a series of heartfelt words took on real significance; like we were the only two people on that crowded deck. My wife cried. I cried. As one of my fellow travelers, who had been married for over 30 years, told me later, “I didn’t even cry at our actual wedding, but I cried today.”
I, for one, don’t slow down and take the time to celebrate and commemorate enough. I also sometimes struggle with self-care. So on the final day at sea, I thoroughly enjoyed an amazing couple’s massage in the ship’s genuinely breathtaking Lotus Spa. If getting partially naked in front of complete strangers isn’t vulnerability, then I don’t know what is!
Ultimately, the record-setting vow renewal felt like a pleasant exclamation point on Princess Cruises’ pitch to become a destination for celebration. The company is currently developing what sounds like a celebration concierge service: curated lists of offerings tailor-made for birthdays, anniversaries, and, of course, all things matrimonial. (Princess Cruises itself did “co-star” in the popular TV series “The Love Boat” after all!)
All of this comes amidst a very serious health crisis that is greatly impacting the $45 billion cruise industry. This stark reality highlights another important quality in relationships, travel, and life in general: resilience. The ability to endure, make sense of, and ultimately grow from adversity.
Although this didn’t make it into the record book, perhaps thousands of people across three cruise ships recently choosing love and joy was ultimately a monumental celebration of resilience, too.
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February 26, 2020 at 01:16AM
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Ship shape advice aboard the ‘Love Boat’ - OCRegister
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