By Loren Hardin-
Bruce was 65 years old when referred to Hospice for lung cancer. He and Peggy had been married for 45 years. Bruce was mild mannered, but Peggy was a scrapper. Peggy recounted the day their doctor told them that Bruce’s cancer was terminal, “When the doctor told us his cancer was in his bone, I told the doctor, ‘You might think I’m weak, but I’m not as weak as you think I am. I’ll have my cry and then I’ll come back fighting; and I’ll make him fight too.’ He asked me how I could be so sure and I told him, ‘You just wait and see.’” Peggy continued, “I allowed Bruce two or three weeks for his pity party, then I told him, ‘Get dressed. You’re going out.’ Love has to be tough sometimes. Love won’t allow it.”
Peggy understood the difference between normal grief and resignation. You allow normal grief but you intervene when you suspect resignation. You might question Peggy’s timing and method, but I don’t think you can question her love and devotion.
I believe that many of us have misconceptions about the nature of love. Therefore, we sometimes don’t recognize real love when it shows up; because sometimes it shows up with a stern determined expression and speaks frankly. It doesn’t even hesitate making us feel uncomfortable at times. And sincere love doesn’t passively stand by and watch someone continue on a self-destructive course; because love is dedicated to the highest good of another; and its goal is always the spiritual growth and welfare of another.
And love cares enough to speak the truth. But I’ve noticed that in the Bible, “truth” is typically combined with “mercy”. Wise King Solomon exhorted his son, “Let not mercy and truth forsake you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart, and so find favor and high esteem in the sight of God and man.” (Proverbs 3:3-4).
There’s a vital reason why truth needs to be accompanied by mercy; because truth without mercy can crush and discourage a person; but on the other hand, mercy without truth can cripple and demoralize a person. Fortunately, the Apostle Paul gave us some excellent advice, that when followed, will safely guide us: “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29)
Peggy’s love for Bruce reminds me of a quote I heard years ago, “God loves us just the way we are, but he loves us too much to let us stay that way.” The question remains, are we going to love the people in our lives too much to let them stay that way? And even more challenging, are we going to allow others to love us too much to allow us to stay the way we are? Peggy is right isn’t she, “love won’t allow it”.
“Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful” (Proverbs 27:5-6).
Loren Hardin is a social worker with SOMC-Hospice and can be reached at 740-357-6091 or at lorenhardin53@gmail.com. You can order Loren’s book, “Straight Paths: Insights for living from those who have finished the course” at Amazon and Barnes and Noble.
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Love won't allow it - The People's Defender
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