Lessons in Race, Faith, and Love For the Pandemic and Beyond - SWAAY

I don't know what my race is. I mean, I know I don't identify as one race. And to feel forced to choose is a specific cruelty that I would like to uproot. My skin is brown, so I knew the road of least resistance would be to identify as Black. Any hints at suggesting otherwise would accost me as one who is trying to deny my "race." I was born in the beautiful land of Guyana, known as "the land of six peoples." I grew up there until age 12, and I think it is for this reason that I never saw myself as any one thing. Indeed, it was even strange to me to have to identify my race in America, as I found it such an odd and useless construct —useless that is, other than for racism.

I love my country, as it gave me everything that I needed to survive in this world. Structure was everything, and as I have said to others, it is the only place where I knew everyone was together, striving for the same goals: family, friends, neighbors and also government. Thus, I learned very quickly what was expected of me, and once I stuck to it, everything was A-okay. I received lots of support, naturally, in such an environment, because we all wanted to see success in our children. Today's youth have so many conflicting messages in America, it is no wonder so many are lost before they even find themselves.

A true relationship with God flourishes in secret and in a culture which there is so much overexposure, many a faith is challenged when people do not have sufficient space, mental and/or physical, to practice their faith as imagined.

The fact is, America tries so hard to set itself apart from the world, that it has become otherworldly, with only death and destruction to show for it. Many foreigners see it, but we are conscious of the American ego that flinches at any attempts to right its woes. America behaves as though it has high ideals, while its practice is muddy and deceitful, causing all of the ills in the world. The fact is, America works hard to keep foreigners in a vetting field, and it attempts to destruct any ideas that are critical of its divisive nature. I have received much criticisms from Black and white Americans alike, simply due to my foreignness. Truth be told, I was well aware that I was not accepted in this country, even as I was shunned by my birth country in my early adulthood. It gave me a unique perspective into human ideals and behaviors, and it created a sharpened affect that is the driving force of my pride, my grace, and my self-confidence.

I am aware that people are indeed like sheep, who all just want to be accepted. Many will accept ideas for the cloak that they give because standing out from the crowd is a pain that they refuse to bear. Given that I have had to accept myself first since others did not want to accept me, I find myself uniquely able to dissect this climate while also living in it, as I need no cloak.

During this pandemic, my habits have not changed much, as I am still able to connect to the pain that people feel, having to curtail so much.

Indeed, I am a student of life, and I have learned so many wonderful things along the way: patience, stoicism, commitment, and grace.

Nonetheless, I am still baffled by some of the behaviors that proliferate, as people seem to take life so casually, unlike it deserves. Life is a beautiful gift, and I am very glad to live it. The patience that is required has been taught and IS being championed by this crisis, and it is a painful thing to watch people refuse to accept its nerves. It is sad that some people are so convinced of their wrong that they would kill others to accept it, and I truly cannot understand why a long life is not sought after by many.

I do think that it is the work of God, because it is He who has given me the knowledge and wisdom that I so sought after from my youth. I do lament that so many in America have such disdain for that wisdom, and I have had to step back and watch as many carry on in their egotistical realm, as the simple advice of sustained kindness and a long-suffering attitude is beyond their acceptance.

I do feel that people often confuse this for downright stupidity, misunderstanding the sacredness of self-sacrifice. Indeed what self-sacrifice does is allow the soul to cry out to God and give belief in His higher power, which is an open door for His reciprocity. It truly is a matter of faith, but it does require a modicum of humility, a distressing feeling for some. I do realize that it is this feeling that people struggle to tolerate, the feeling of uncertainty and waiting on that which they cannot sometimes identify, especially to others.

I have been careful to practice both self-sacrifice along with a quiet stoicism for the things which I believe in, mindful of the factors that go along with each. Indeed, I am a student of life, and I have learned so many wonderful things along the way: patience, stoicism, commitment, and grace.

My favorite definition of commitment is "doing something long after the feeling in which you have said it has passed," and I have to say it is my most powerful tool yet, in my toolbox. I am grateful for the little lessons that have enabled me to reap such gifts and I must say that the future is bright, peaceful and kind, awaiting me as I step into this next chapter.

So many greats have paved the way for me, and a willingness to learn and to accept teachings that are humbling is the agreeable way to this pasture of a bright future. I love love, and love is the absence of self; any time when I have been careful to accept the loss of my ego, I have gained immense grace — which I have been called upon to give, especially in these times.

I know I have made my ancestors proud because I have kept every bit of their teachings and I have allowed myself to bend beneath their rod so that these kindnesses can be instilled in me time and time again, until I am replete with good gains.

I am grateful for the little lessons that have enabled me to reap such gifts and I must say that the future is bright, peaceful and kind, awaiting me as I step into this next chapter.

I do pray for the world and I hope that people are able to humble themselves enough to accept the simplicity of the way of life, for its preservation is beautiful.

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Lessons in Race, Faith, and Love For the Pandemic and Beyond - SWAAY

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