How many of you are parents? If your answer is yes, then you are faced with challenges every day. You are the one who is wiser and more mature, right? You should know all the answers. Your children depend on you to raise them in a loving, caring environment. An environment that will help them grow into mature, productive adults.
Does the thought of that responsibility overwhelm you? All parents, at times, find the idea of this task daunting. One question that parents face is: should I and when should I apologize to my kids?
Have you ever promised your kids something that you did not do? You told your kids they could spend the weekend with friends. But, relatives came to town, and you wanted your children to spend the weekend with family. You promised your son his favorite dish, but the conference call at work lasted longer than you expected, and you did not have time to go to the store.
Have you ever lost your cool with your kids? It was just the worst day ever. You were late to work. Your boss was all over you all day, and you had to work late. On the way home, you got a speeding ticket. As you walked in the door, everyone came at you all at once. The result, you exploded and yelled at everyone.
What should you do? Do you agree with the phrase, “Love means never having to say you are sorry?” When you mess up, should you apologize to your son or daughter? This is a challenging question. There are two sides to the answer.
One side would say no, don’t apologize. You are the authority figure. Apologizing would undermine your position of authority. Your children need to develop an understanding of authority. An authority figure admitting to a mistake or a broken promise weakens their authority. This position would state that acknowledging limitations diminishes authority.
The other side would say yes; don’t be afraid to say, “I’m sorry.” You are the authority figure. However, when you voice regret, you model the qualities you hope to teach your son or daughter, including empathy, honesty, courage, and responsibility. You also pattern an acceptance that we aren’t perfect.
Now, it can be hard for us to admit we made a mistake and say, “I’m sorry, I messed up.” On the bright side, none of us know everything, and none of us always do the right thing. Everyone makes mistakes. Projecting an image that you are perfect creates a measure that you can’t live up to.
Don’t you agree it would be better for your children to learn you, their parent, is only human? There is value in owning up to and accepting our shortcomings. When we admit to our own shortfalls, mistakes, and imperfections, we demonstrate for our children how they should react. One of the behaviors we should be teaching our sons and daughters is to acknowledge their mistakes. We want our children to be honest when they make a mistake and to apologize.
Being open and candid when we fail (and remember we all will) displays to our children what it means to exert authority gently and lovingly. Paul, in Ephesians 6:1-4, tells us as parents not to exasperate our children. Showing our humility in being able to accept fault avoids vexing them. As your children grow, they will appreciate your consistency in requiring them to admit fault and doing yourself likewise.
Apologizing to your child, yes, is humbling. But, don’t forget when you say you are sorry, you exemplify a servant’s heart. That is, you are focused on the welfare of others, not yourself. Would you not agree this is more meaningful for shaping the character of your child than a parent who does not admit when they make a mistake?
Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with. James 15:16-17 (The Message Bible)
Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin. Call us with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions; our phone number is 434-808-2637.
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August 27, 2020 at 01:10AM
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Does Love Mean Never Having to Say You Are Sorry? - The Southside Messenger
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