“The people with the greatest love, not the most information, will influence us to change.”- Bob Goff
Bob Goff is the New York Times best-selling author of the book Love Does. His quote resonates with me when I think of the people rallying to make their point one way or another. There are all sorts of means to create change- Force, coercion, manipulation, reasoning, and influencing. Change is an uphill battle when there isn’t love in the mix.
If you stop doing something because the law says you should, that’s a form of change. It’s based on not wanting to get caught. You may not agree with the law, but you abide because you don’t want to be in trouble.
If you stop doing something because someone in your life is pressuring you, that’s a form of change. You’ll modify your behavior because someone is wielding a consequence over your head. You abide because you don’t want to experience their rejection.
If you stop doing something because you know logically it’s wrong, but you waffle back and forth struggling to commit, that’s a form of change. It’s based on your head trying to rule your heart. You abide because logically you know it’s right- think trying to lose weight or stop smoking.
None of these are lasting forms of change.
True change comes when you have internalized the value, importance, and have the intrinsic desire to change. That’s when real and lasting change happens. Up until that point, you’re moving around somewhere on the change cycle bumping up against all the crap that comes with rationalizing your beliefs, asserting your individuality, justifying your actions, and making a case for your point of view.
People make lasting change when their hearts are touched in a deeply personal way. When they’ve exhausted every excuse, every political view, and every deep-seated cultural belief they’ve clung to. It’s a process and for some it happens quickly while others take more time.
This means the people who use love to influence, motivate, reach, and connect with others have the most influence. Think about it- the people who impact you the most are generally people you know, like, and trust. Even influencers you’ve never met. Relationship opens the door for influence. The person most likely to influence you to a different perspective or new frame of mind is someone you are in relationship with, not someone coming at you out of nowhere with guilt and shame.
If you want to influence people to change, love them and build a relationship with them, especially if you consider them an enemy. You’ll both be more willing and able to look at difficult things because people are harder to hate when you know them.
Faydra Koenig, MA is a mental health administrator, author, public speaker, educator and life coach who lives in Red Bluff. She can be reached at coachfaydra@gmail.com or view her blog at doinglifewithfaydra.com.
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The greatest of these is love - Red Bluff Daily News
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