I never saw myself as the kind of guy who’d try a dating app. And yet there I was, after my marriage of 17 years ended, creating a Tinder profile, just a few days after a colleague told me that she had met her fiancé online. Learning that someone had actually used an app to find a meaningful connection was a game-changer for me.
It was the summer of 2019. I was 43 years old, separated from my wife after 20 years together, and seriously doubting if I was even worthy of being loved — it had been a rough few years. Still, I gathered my courage and maxed out my Tinder bio.
I described my obsession with European football, my intense love of falafel and hummus and the fact that I am a proud dad of teen daughters and several cats. Additionally, I uploaded ten photos, all recently taken selfies during my travels. (And not a single one from inside a bathroom!)
My intention was to be my true self, earnest and honest to a fault, and to see if anyone out there might find that endearing, and me attractive. And then I waited. My plan was to give it one month. After three weeks had passed with no luck at all, I resigned myself to being alone for the duration of my second act. But then it all happened in a flurry: I swiped right, and so did she, and in a little over a year we were married.
I had found my person, the one who I’m supposed to be with forever, someone who truly sees me and appreciates the ways in which I show love. I found someone who loves with vigor and looks at me with eyes that comfort me. My new wife had also been married once before and was about to flip the calendar to the big 4-0 when we met. Like me, she was just settling into the idea of never finding the perfect partner with whom to experience all of life’s remaining adventures.
My wife and I have matching tattoos on our arms that read “Something Like This.” It’s the title of and lyrics from a Gordi song, a reminder that our love was the something we’d been waiting for.
Our story of finding a second love is a joyous one, but it’s not particularly unique. Pew research reports that remarriage is on the rise in the U.S., noting that 20% of people who walk down the aisle are doing it for a second time — and another 20% of weddings feature two people who have been married once before. It makes sense, because by age 35, 40, 50 and beyond, you likely know exactly what you want and don’t want in a relationship.
These love stories, from real people like me who found someone new, should serve as inspiration to not settle for someone less than you deserve.
Monica Blake, 39, always dreamed of being a mother but was indifferent about being a wife. The Tullahoma, Tennessee resident has a daughter and twin boys from a previous relationship, a career she loves and a newly minted doctorate. Blake thought she had everything she needed and wanted. “I wasn’t looking for love and never thought I’d find someone I truly wanted to spend my life with,” she says. “A trip to the dentist changed my life forever. I met my future husband in the waiting room!"
Barb Morrison didn’t feel like their previous partner understood them at all. But, when Morrison, then 53, met 37-year-old Jaime Karpovich for coffee, the connection was immediate. “I will never forget the first time I saw Barb through the window of the coffee shop,” Karpovich says. “Immediately I felt excited-nervous but also like I was home. After the date, I called my friend and said, ‘Oh no, this is going to change everything!’” The two got married in their yard in Frenchtown, New Jersey with four witnesses last summer, on the one-year anniversary of the day they met.
Ahmad Zafrullah Supian is married now, living happily in Kuala Lumpur, but in his late 30s, he had also given up on finding "The One." His prior relationship of four years ended amicably, but he admits it wasn’t easy to move on. When his ex found someone new, however, it gave him the belief that he too could find someone with whom he would feel a spark for the rest of his life.
Supian says he can pinpoint the moment when he knew he’d found true love: “I had to send her off for a business trip at the airport. After we said our goodbyes, I just stood there and watched her walk away to the boarding lounge. I said in my heart, ‘Dear God, if she turns around and looks back at me like in the movies, then that's the sign.’ I just watched her walk. Everything moved in slow motion. Then, after a couple of steps, she slowed down, turned around, smiled back at me, and gave me a wave.”
After three decades of dating, Jill Schildhouse hadn’t experienced a relationship that lasted longer than six months, and hadn’t found a partner who accepted her busy schedule as a travel writer. The successful entrepreneur figured she simply would never marry. “My parents have been married for over 45 years and are adorable together. I realized that I wanted that or nothing,” Schildhouse said. “I wasn't going to settle.” And she didn’t, which led to finally meeting a man who loves her and her attitude toward life, and who sees the joy she derives from a profession requiring weeks at a time on the road. At age 39, Schildhouse has found an adorable relationship to rival that of her parents, and is now engaged. (She would have already been married, on a Princess Cruise last fall if not for COVID!)Kerry Spencer, 42, knew as a kid that she was gay, but also assumed her Mormon family wouldn’t accept that fact. So, she married a man, had kids and later, both she and her husband came out of the closet. Today, Spencer has a new partner, and when she remarried, her ex was there for her, participating in the beautiful, outdoor November 2020 wedding. She wrote about her journey, and summed it all up beautifully by saying, "When you find love later in life you do it with all the wisdom of knowing heartbreak and all the peace of knowing who you are.”
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