Kiss Kiss Bang Bang: Harry's 5 Best Quotes (& Perry's 5 Best) - Screen Rant

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In an appearance on The Joe Rogan Experience last year, Robert Downey, Jr. boldly declared Shane Black’s neo-noir comedy Kiss Kiss Bang Bang to be the best movie he’s ever made. He stars as a small-time crook named Harry who stumbles into an audition during his escape from a crime scene and before he knows it, he’s scored an acting gig in Los Angeles.

While he’s out there, he meets a private eye named Gay Perry, played by Val Kilmer, and gets swept up in his latest case. Downey and Kilmer shared terrific on-screen chemistry in the movie and their characters have plenty of memorable quotes.

10 Harry: “I Don’t See Another G****** Narrator, So Pipe Down.”

It’s hardly surprising that Shane Black included a voiceover narration in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, because voiceover by the hero is a staple of film noir. Robert Downey, Jr.’s voiceover directly addresses the audience throughout the movie.

It’s meta from the outset: “By now, you may wonder how I wound up here. Or, maybe not. Maybe you wonder how Silly Putty picks sh*t up from comic books. The point is, I don’t see another g*ddamn narrator, so pipe down.”

9 Perry: “Okay, You’ve Got Thirty Of My F****** Seconds. Thrill Me.”

This is one of the most applicable quotes in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. If someone's looking for attention, just tell them, “Okay, you’ve got thirty of my f*cking seconds. Thrill me.”

Val Kilmer brought a hysterical snarky quality to his portrayal of Perry in this movie, and his delivery of this line – and the attitude behind the line itself – exemplifies it perfectly.

8 Harry: “I Heard About That. It Was Neck And Neck Until She Skipped Lunch.”

Harry finally finds a love interest he’s actually interested in when he comes across Harmony. She points out a blonde woman and says, “She’s been f*cked more times than she’s had hot meals.”

Harry quips, “Mmm, I heard about that. It was neck and neck until she skipped lunch.” It’s easy to see why this movie convinced Jon Favreau that Robert Downey, Jr. could play Tony Stark.

7 Perry: “Why In Pluperfect Hell Would You Pee On A Corpse?”

When Harry finds a corpse in the bathroom while he’s in the middle of urinating, he accidentally splashes the corpse. He calls up Perry and says, “I peed on the corpse. Can they do, like, ID from that?” Perry is baffled: “I’m sorry, you peed on...?”

Harry repeats himself: “On the corpse. My question is...” Then, Perry interrupts him to say, “No, my question, I get to go first: why in pluperfect hell would you pee on a corpse?”

6 Harry: “Don’t Quit Your Gay Job.”

Robert Downey Jr. as Harry and Michelle Monaghan as Harmony in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

The fact that Perry is gay subverts the usual tropes of hard-boiled crime movies and detective characters, and Kiss addresses it pretty head-on, like giving him the nickname “Gay Perry.”

When Perry tells Harry, “Merry Christmas, sorry I f*cked you over,” Harry quips back, “No problem. Don’t quit your gay job.” Throughout the movie, Perry rises above the homophobia around him.

5 Perry: “I Shot Him With A Small Revolver I Keep Near My Balls.”

Gay Perry is just as grizzled and tough-as-nails as any other private eye from the big screen, from Philip Marlowe to Sam Spade, but what sets him apart is his bluntness.

He says things like, “I shot him with a small revolver I keep near my balls.” Philip Marlowe doesn’t keep a little handgun near his balls.

4 Harry: “I’m Retired. I Invented Dice When I Was A Kid.”

Harry struggles to connect with people on the L.A. dating scene, believing that America was picked up by the East Coast and shaken and only the normal women managed to cling on.

When an actress asks him what he does for a living, Harry tells her, “Uh, I’m retired. I invented dice when I was a kid. How about you?”

3 Perry: “Look Up ‘Idiot’ In The Dictionary. You Know What You’ll Find? The Definition Of The Word ‘Idiot,’ Which You F****** Are!”

When Harry tosses Perry’s gun into the lake, the P.I. is furious. He says, “My $2,000 ceramic Vektor my mother got me as a special gift. You threw in the lake next to the car. What happens when they drag the lake? You think they’ll find my pistol? Jesus.”

Perry says, “Look up ‘idiot’ in the dictionary. You know what you’ll find?” Harry guesses, “A picture of me?” Perry cracks, “No, the definition of the word ‘idiot,’ which you f*cking are!”

2 Harry: “Don’t Worry, I Saw Lord Of The Rings. I’m Not Going To End This 17 Times.”

Harry’s self-aware voiceover narration is one of the funniest parts of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Black uses the voiceover to address as many tropes as possible, while Downey’s dry delivery makes every joke land. Toward the end of the movie, he says, “Don’t worry, I saw Lord of the Rings. I’m not going to end this 17 times.”

This is a reference to the closing moments of The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, which take the audience through a lengthy montage of where all the major characters ended up.

1 Perry: “Go. Sleep Badly. Any Questions, Hesitate To Call.”

Most detectives would tell the people helping them with their investigation to sleep well and not hesitate to call with any questions, but Perry tells Harry, “Go. Sleep badly. Any questions, hesitate to call.”

Harry tries to correct Perry: “Bad. Sleep bad. Otherwise, it seems like the mechanism that allows you to sleep...” Perry interjects to snap back, “What, f*ckhead? Badly’s an adverb. Who taught you grammar? Get out.”

NEXT: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang & 9 Other Postmodern Noirs

Next DCEU: Every Main Hero Ranked By Their Power

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Ben Sherlock (2306 Articles Published)

Ben Sherlock is a writer, comedian, and independent filmmaker, and he's good at at least two of those things. In addition to writing news and features for Game Rant and lists for Screen Rant and CBR, Ben directs independent films and does standup comedy. He's currently in pre-production on his first feature film, Hunting Trip, and has been for a while because filmmaking is expensive. Previously, he wrote for Taste of Cinema and BabbleTop.